Lots of "I'm Back" posts today. Stanley must be running a BOGO this week.

 

Why does a two step task become a three step problem?

 

Got a hair cut today, planned on giving myself a buzz cut, couldnt bring myself to because I wasnt sure I could get it fixed if I ruined it,
she said, you let yourself get bushy, told her it was for you, bring it all down and even to start fresh, she was chatty, ask me this, that, the other thing,
told her I didnt go to the other place because I cant stand the chatty young girls, dont care how hot they are, probably hired for looks rather than scissor skills,
always busy with guys I swear getting a cheep thrill from a hair cut, and older guys who like to flirt with the beauty school dropouts.
Then she started with covid politics, told her dont even get me started, where can I get something to eat? Down the road a place on the right makes great subs, ...but do they make hero's? Only for people from NY she said, my kinda place!
Got all trimmed up, nice goat goin', she did a good job, few months I'll see her again, she'll remember bushy me, everybody remembers me for something

 

In an effort to find something positive about the whole mask wearing thing, I DID finally find something. I can walk around and not have to worry about anything hanging out of my nose.

 

sex is overrated!

 

It's hard to find a person that doesn't freak out when I say take the wheel

 

Nah Jessy moved

 

Damn its raining again!

 

The universe has thwarted my orgasms all day today. But I shall prevail!

 

I have Spectrum for cable - many things piss me off. It was so much more 'user-friendly' when it was Time Warner.

I hate it when I start watching one of my recorded news commentary shows, and if I catch up to where it becomes live, everything goes to shit. I watch the show, and then, to get caught up to 'real time' on the channel, it won't let me unless I fastforward to where the channel is now. Time Warner was user friendly and intuitive.

 

If we were to make all transmissions standard shift, and only write in cursive, we'd cripple a generation.

 

I dont watch TV, never anything on I want to watch, dont think I'm missing anything

 

Today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today? I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look.
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.
When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" I just say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance."
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he knows when he's really in trouble.
Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs?"
Ageing: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me.
I want people to know why I look this way.
I've travelled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up, sags or leaks.
Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
May you always have:
Love to share,
Cash to spare,
Tyres with air,
And friends who care.

 

If you say you’re into chests and booty, rather than saying tits and ass, you’ll feel less like a pervert and more like pirate.


Saw this earlier and thought it was funny, but can’t take credit

 

Speaking of bottled water, if two tanks of Hydrogen and one tank of Oxygen were turned on at each other, would water be created?

 

So nice to sit outside on my lanai, smoke a joint, listen to good music, and stair at the stars. Bliss.

 

Do Fish Drown???

 

One or two thing

 

Which thread got deleted, I didn't think we were on anything controversial?